Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I do think that you can dress yourself out of a problem. The way that a haircut and a new pair of… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Social media is a really cool way to tell your story to people who are interested in hearing it. It's not getting… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day,… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I do think that you can dress yourself out of a problem. The way that a haircut and a new pair of pants can… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first.… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you. — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
