The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." The lawyer frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." — Alan King Copy Share Image
My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male… — Alan King Copy Share Image
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage. — Alan King Copy Share Image
I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb… — Alan King Copy Share Image
My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist… — Alan King Copy Share Image
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails. — Alan King Copy Share Image
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them. — Alan King Copy Share Image
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet. — Alan King Copy Share Image
There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing… — Alan King Copy Share Image
Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there… — Alan King Copy Share Image
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank. — Alan King Copy Share Image
