I'm pretty sure my grandmom watches over me whenever I masturbate. The sound of that walker is so unbearable. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It doesn't bother me that you don't like me, what bothers me is that you are hypocritical and PRETEND to like me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If two people are arguing & one person says, You know what... Just sit back & enjoy. Trust me that argument is… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just got engaged. My fiancée won't take my name because Lisa Levin sounds awful. So she's just going to remain Lisa… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't need beer to have a good time, I just need it to focus, avoid depression, good tweets, fall asleep, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE CEREMONY, a ritual which should be written (o cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Totally cool if anyone wants to unfriend me on facebook- posted 4 times today, but if you unfollow me on twitter I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
