Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 34

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

Why are their so many women on twitter? So you are telling me ALL the dishes are done?

— Nikhil Saluja

Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time!

— Nikhil Saluja

Before twitter, I used to write all this shit down on Post-It notes and leave them around the city.

— Nikhil Saluja

When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on.

— Nikhil Saluja

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

Some of the greatest quotes, come from the most uncommon of minds.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

13 year olds having sex and getting drunk? When I was 13 I was injecting heroin and had committed my 4th murder, Pussies.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl leaves you breathless after sex. The woman leaves you in a coma.

— Nikhil Saluja

You should actually tweet everything you do - it's your fucking personal diary not twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!!

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest problem is falling in love with those who retweet me,

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was a kid during the height of the Cold War. If I did something wrong, my parents just accused me of…

— Nikhil Saluja

One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thanks to Photoshop I can show all my boys the hot ugly chicks I've banged on Facebook.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I'm not on twitter tweeting awesome fucking shit, it's cause I'm busy fishing your sis.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my…

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not;

— Nikhil Saluja

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week..

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are brave... when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

— Nikhil Saluja