Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
There are many things that I find attractive about a woman. Foremost to me, of course, would be a sense of humor-but that doesn't… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
One time we were having dinner and some guy came by and took a potato off of Frank Sinatra's plate. And Frank said, “Hey… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. You'll save a fortune on your food bills, he promised. I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous. Said my wife: I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're… — Joey Bishop Copy Share
The president of a TV network generously agreed to take his company's aptitude test, a test required of all the personnel. He did badly. As a result he was in a sullen mood for the rest of the day. When he got home that night, his wife asked why he looked so grouchy. I took the company's aptitude test this… — Joey Bishop Copy Share
You know how Van Nuys got its name? Well, one day my little old Jewish mother was visiting me, and I took her to… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future. — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots. — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
I don't consider success doing a show for 30 years; I'm sorry. To me, you're successful when you graduate from something. I did a… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays. — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said,… — Joey Bishop Copy Share Image
![“The kick [of comedy] is to think quickly. It's a great kick.” quote by Joey Bishop](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/782/joey-bishop-36018_comedy_the-kick-of-comedy-is-to-think-quickly-i_480798.jpg)
![“I don't consider success doing a show for 30 years; I'm sorry. To me, you're successful when you graduate from something. I did a series, I did a talk show, I did movies, I replaced Mickey Rooney [on Broadway] in "Sugar Babies." You understand?” quote by Joey Bishop](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/381/joey-bishop-36018_baby_i-don-t-consider-success-doing-a-show-fo_2568758.jpg)
