Girls don't try to trick me with makeup. It's a waste of both our time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't hold onto the past and make it a burden that you must live with in the future. Move on. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A moment of silence for all the teenagers whose parents wont let them eat in their room. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never been more embarrassed than the time I walked in on a co-worker while I was masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I got dimples on my balls sack and every time I get a blowjob bitches are all like awwww. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't need beer to have a good time, I just need it to focus, avoid depression, good tweets, fall asleep, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I stick my middle finger up at the cops all the time. At night. When they're driving the opposite way. And we're… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Both my girlfriend AND wife are out of town this week! Time to go find some lucky lady to nibble on my… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every time I see someone acting like a fucking idiot, I automatically assume they're Justin Beiber fan. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My wife brings up the subject of my affair all the time - especially during sex. To be honest, I wish she'd… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you ever find yourself begging for followers just do yourself a favor and stab yourself. Multiple times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God could not be with us every time we need support in our worst times of life, and therefore he made fathers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every time I see 007 get a gadget in an old James Bond movie I'm like, My smart phone has that app. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For the 5th time: I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party Freak! My dog is getting married that day! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In time your heart will heal. Have a little faith in your decision, I know it wasn't an easy one for you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you break your friends towel rack trying to wipe shit off of your finger. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I carry a flamethrower with me at all times just in case someone with bad breath comes too close. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wait, are you telling me 'professional tweeter' can't go in my CV? Well this was a waste of time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The best thing about this tweet is, by the time you found it's completely worthless, it's too late for you to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you know if you say Fuck Me 3 times in the window at 1 am your wife will tell you to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let's have a moment of silence for Bill Gates. Without him we'd still have to leave the house and interact with people. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only time a woman should ever look down on a man is when she's riding his cock like a cowgirl. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you haven't checked the time in your watch for like 4 or 5 hours, you're probably having a good time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The next time someone gets in my face to fight, I'll show them pictures on my phone of an ant I once… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The best feeling in the world is knowing you finally took a step in the right direction, a step towards a better… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're chatting with someone and see '….. is typing' and then they end up writing nothing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Think how miserable your sex life has to be to find the time to leave a comment on a porn video. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
These people are harassing me badly, they said they'll cut…… if I don't pay my phone bill on time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Most people are lucky and only look horrible in the mornings. I look horrible at all times during the day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nowadays people spend more time cleaning the touchscreen of their cellphone than they spend cleaning their genitals. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Life would be perfect if: Some girls had mute buttons,Some guys had edit buttons,Hard times had fast forward & Good times had… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Taking a long time to shower, just cause you like to stand there, under the warm water, doing nothing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
