There, I'm an artist. Thousands of women on ecstasy now want to have three-ways with me. — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Your mom's not that bad," said Jim. "Are you trying to make me mad?" "Okay she is." "I knew it. You've never liked her."… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“The last door on the second story was the exception. Fresh gold letters: MAHONEY & ASSOCIATES, PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS. Mahoney sat inside. The only associate… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
Hang on to your dreams with everything you got. Because the best life is when your dreams come true. The second-best is when they… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
The whole family is a bunch of dangerous freaks...Most are ex-cons or junkies or deranged from inbreeding. Five have died violently, three are back… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
But instead they tell you they'll come to fix your cable between noon and five, and I say, okay, I'll pay my next bill… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I can buy a shotgun any time of day without the slightest background check, but if I need something for my sniffles, it’s six… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Do you think heaven's like that? Could be worse, said Serge. You know all those pushy people who keep telling us we're not going… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Yes, give us books about the psychotic behavior and peripheral weirdness we see all around every day -- and we will laugh in its… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle office, where… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I realize the congressman isn't in. I want you to deliver this message to him personally: Tell him to shut his goddamn mouth!... I… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida. Then it got weird. — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I smell panic," said Serge. "These are different animals now. They're starting to winnow out the weak at the fringe of the herd. We… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
