I don't know what else to do other than tell people what I think to be untruths. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
It's nice when I get offered small parts. But I really think that 'SNL' is what my skill set is best designed… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Pope Benedict delivered an anti-euthanasia message this week, saying that people must accept death at 'the hour chosen by God.' And then he rode… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Swedish automaker Saab admitted this week that for certain tests they used human cadavers as crash-test dummies. Worse, they weren't cadavers before the test. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Starting Monday, 7-11 will begin testing a new plastic wrap designed to keep bananas yellow and firm for five days. Though if your banana… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Astronauts living on the International Space Station will soon be getting their drinking water from a new system that recycles their urine into drinkable… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
The Earth will be around for a long time before you have a funnier president than Obama. He has a stand-up's cadence and the… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Police in Portland, Oregon told a woman who was skating nude to stop after construction workers complained. Which raises the question: what in God's… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
A pair of identical twins in China married another pair of identical twins. What are the odds of that? Actually, in China, about 3 to 1. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
A New Jersey man is suing two men for allegedly using Facebook to organize an attack on him at a bar. By the time… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
The first time I had disposable income, the two things I cared most about were a television and a couch. — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
Conservative lawmakers in Egypt have called for a ban on imports of a kit meant to help women fake their virginity on their wedding… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
A government study has found that traces of a chemical used in rocket fuel were found in samples of powdered baby formula, and could… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
A middle school teacher in Montana suffered some bruising and a large scratch on his back after he struck a bear while riding his… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
