Middle school Quote by Seth Meyers

Pope Benedict delivered an anti-euthanasia message this week, saying that people must accept death at 'the hour chosen by God.' And then he rode…

— Seth Meyers

Swedish automaker Saab admitted this week that for certain tests they used human cadavers as crash-test dummies. Worse, they weren't cadavers before the test.

— Seth Meyers

Starting Monday, 7-11 will begin testing a new plastic wrap designed to keep bananas yellow and firm for five days. Though if your banana…

— Seth Meyers

Astronauts living on the International Space Station will soon be getting their drinking water from a new system that recycles their urine into drinkable…

— Seth Meyers

The Earth will be around for a long time before you have a funnier president than Obama. He has a stand-up's cadence and the…

— Seth Meyers

Police in Portland, Oregon told a woman who was skating nude to stop after construction workers complained. Which raises the question: what in God's…

— Seth Meyers

A pair of identical twins in China married another pair of identical twins. What are the odds of that? Actually, in China, about 3 to 1.

— Seth Meyers

A New Jersey man is suing two men for allegedly using Facebook to organize an attack on him at a bar. By the time…

— Seth Meyers

The first time I had disposable income, the two things I cared most about were a television and a couch.

— Seth Meyers

Conservative lawmakers in Egypt have called for a ban on imports of a kit meant to help women fake their virginity on their wedding…

— Seth Meyers

A government study has found that traces of a chemical used in rocket fuel were found in samples of powdered baby formula, and could…

— Seth Meyers

I did not go into comedy to escape anything. I went into comedy because I had parents who thought it was a reputable way…

— Seth Meyers