A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
9 saw the first direct-dialed long-distance telephone call, between New York and San Francisco. Of course, back in that primitive era the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
