My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
My problem, I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food. But you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea - that period between when it's like, hard… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music,… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
“Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good,… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
