“I've never been thrown out of a bar, but I got kicked out of a tea party for slurping my imaginary tea.” — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“Do get a copy of this book you can keep. If you use it right, it’ll be covered in dirt and blood splatter by… — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth 0 times and I don't… — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“Reach for the stars. Really stretch. They're still billions of miles away. Just like your dreams.” — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“Since zombies are slower than humans, your family should be able to calmly turn around and walk away from danger. That’s the theory. In… — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wonder how such beautiful kids can really be mine. Then my 4-year-old opens a door and runs into the door frame. Then… — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“I've never been thrown out of a bar, but I got kicked out of a tea party for slurping my imaginary tea.” — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
“My 3-year-old called her eyebrows "eye mustaches". I was going to correct her, but instead I upgraded my vocabulary.” — James Breakwell Copy Share Image
