The first time I came to the Comedy Festival some nutcase shot a bunch of people in Tasmania. I thought, 'Oh, that's just Tasmania.' The second time I came, some nut shot up Columbine High School. Now I'm here again,… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class.… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Foxes are rats in expensive coats. What are foxes associated with? Evil, wily, conniving, duplicitous, Fox News - worst news service on the planet… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
“Not many musicians can get 10000 people to show up and help pay his back taxes, and when farmers are going broke and transatlantic… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Ignisecond, n.: The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
“Good things come to those who wait, but shit pretty much shows up right away, doesn't it?” — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
