I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days. — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear; cruisers like chrome,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
