Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
You know you're a redneck when your pickup breaks down and you fix it. On the front lawn. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Band director: Tromboners, remember to be in the right position. Trumpeters, finger fast and blow hard. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
If the world was run by women, it would be mostly peaceful with heated arguments every 28 days. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Only you can prevent forest fires - by choosing not to have fun. Yeah, I'm a pyro. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
If you get busted by a cop for growing weed in your house, just say 'I'm not selling that. It's for personal use.' — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
![“Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with the new. [Hint: it protects you]” quote by Alec Straub](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/98e/alec-straub-26792_funny_guys-if-you-keep-a-you-know-what-in-your_55852.jpg)
![“Wow! These [soccer] balls are sticky! [That's what she said.]” quote by Alec Straub](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/734/alec-straub-26792_quote_wow-these-soccer-balls-are-sticky-that-s_936606.jpg)
