“I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.” — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“If you threw Elvis and a scarecrow in a blender, topped the whole thing off with Seagram's 7 and pressed dice, you would make… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“One hundred and thirteen seconds." "I am in extreme dislike ..." Gasp. "... of this process at the present moment." Gasp. "And also, of… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“I look like vanilla pudding so nobody knows that on the inside I am spider soup.” — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“And when I have that feeling, that feeling like I need a handout, desperate, I want to pull my skin off and turn into… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“When I get back to my dorm room, there it is, staring at me from above my bed. The Vladimir Putin calendar. Ha! I… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“Well, I'm sorry. Again. For like the millionth time. If there's anything I can do ... I'd offer to pay for your dry cleaning,… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure why anyone on the face of the planet would want to use a bow and arrow. I mean, it seems like… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“Don't worry. We do not have to talk about. We are Russian. We do not talk about feelings all the time and no one… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“There were babies, and toddlers, and five-year-old boys in Batman shirts. There was even a little girl dressed as Elsa. For no reason. It's… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“I look out past the corn and the wheat and wonder how many sets of bones are buried, unspoken, keeping their stories to themselves… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“Second, I will venture to Café Treplev, which is a hidden, wooden, book-lined restaurant that looks more like someone's personal library I would like… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
