Andrea Portes

“I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know…

— Andrea Portes

“If you threw Elvis and a scarecrow in a blender, topped the whole thing off with Seagram's 7 and pressed dice, you…

— Andrea Portes

“One hundred and thirteen seconds." "I am in extreme dislike ..." Gasp. "... of this process at the present moment." Gasp. "And…

— Andrea Portes

“I look like vanilla pudding so nobody knows that on the inside I am spider soup.”

— Andrea Portes

“And when I have that feeling, that feeling like I need a handout, desperate, I want to pull my skin off and…

— Andrea Portes

“When I get back to my dorm room, there it is, staring at me from above my bed. The Vladimir Putin calendar.…

— Andrea Portes

“Well, I'm sorry. Again. For like the millionth time. If there's anything I can do ... I'd offer to pay for your…

— Andrea Portes

“I'm not sure why anyone on the face of the planet would want to use a bow and arrow. I mean, it…

— Andrea Portes

“Don't worry. We do not have to talk about. We are Russian. We do not talk about feelings all the time and…

— Andrea Portes

“There were babies, and toddlers, and five-year-old boys in Batman shirts. There was even a little girl dressed as Elsa. For no…

— Andrea Portes

“I look out past the corn and the wheat and wonder how many sets of bones are buried, unspoken, keeping their stories…

— Andrea Portes

“Second, I will venture to Café Treplev, which is a hidden, wooden, book-lined restaurant that looks more like someone's personal library I…

— Andrea Portes

“Okay, I have a follow-up question." Madden exhales. "Yes." "Is this car worth a lot in your human money?" "Paige, there's nothing…

— Andrea Portes

“You know why you keep losing, 'cause, guess what, you're a fucking loser.”

— Andrea Portes

“But somewhere in America, between the freeways and the Food-4-Less, between the filling stations and the 5-o-'clock news, behind the blue blinking…

— Andrea Portes

“I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd…

— Andrea Portes

“It's one of those dumb days where nothing's really wrong but nothing's really right either and the sky can't even choose to…

— Andrea Portes

“A lot of people unsee a lot of things, every day. Think about it. Every day you go around, stepping over some…

— Andrea Portes

“Madden sizes me up. "Did you even ever get Christmas presents ...?" "Yes. And Hanukkkah presents. And Kwanzaa. Three Kings Day. Also,…

— Andrea Portes

“Ceaseless. Almost too much for this small frame. You make me part of the sky.”

— Andrea Portes

“But if I can keep my mind on these pages I don't have to care. I can make this all just go…

— Andrea Portes

“We tried to be less self-involved. We tried to look up from our dumb obsessions and notice other people. We tried to…

— Andrea Portes

“So, dearest Madden, on a scale of one to ten ... am I fired?" "What, for completely disobeying orders and bringing public…

— Andrea Portes

“Katerina, stop! Or I'll shoot!" "Then fucking shoot!" "Okay, I'm gonna shoot you in the ankle, okay? They say that's the safest…

— Andrea Portes

“Okay, listen, I don't know what dumb lines you are used to giving girls so they fall all over you but I…

— Andrea Portes