I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience. — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“Our Welsh teacher thinks he is young. He tells us that the Welsh for skiving in town is ‘mitchio yn y dre’.” — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
I don't know if I've come of age, but I'm certainly older now. I feel shrunken, as if there's a tiny ancient Oliver Tate… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“One more word that may be useful in the heat of passion: dong. Dong sounds like someone very important has just arrived.” — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
My mother tells me I do not chew my food enough; she says I am making it harder for my body to get the… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“I tell my parents I'm going out for pudding. They think this might be a nickname for heroin.Mum makes the international face for 'is… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“I authorize an air strike that reduces my street to rubble; I fold Swansea Bay like an enormous omelette and scoff it all” — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
I spin around on the swivel chair and look up at the ceiling; Oliver being Oliver being Oliver being Oliver. I am suddenly aware… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“I want the evening upon which we lose our collective virginities to be special. I'm no parthenologist but I suspect that Jordana's virginity is… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
“Oliver, we’ve got something to tell you,” Dad says, dumping a cardboard box full of garden waste into a toad green mangler. Unlike the… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed. — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
