I really respect those guys that get $250,000 for punching up scripts, because it's an art form. — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
I grew up Catholic and still feel a lot of Catholic guilt. But my wife is not religious so we're not raising our daughters… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
My father grew up in Levittown, L.I., in the first tract housing built for G.I.'s. His dad had stormed the beaches of Omaha and… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
Some of the most fun I've ever had has been filming 'Bert the Conqueror.' As a stand-up comedian, I love putting this humorous spin… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
I'd love to be a movie star. That'd be great. But I lost the looks awhile ago. They slipped right through my hands like… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
Part of my personality is I like to have a good time and I'm an extrovert, and extroverts, they blossom as meathead frat boys… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
I'm a big believer in saying things out loud, I think he that helps you focus your goals. — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
If there's an adrenaline rush, I will find it; if there's an anxiety attack, I will have it. — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
There is nothing that I'm more compelled to do than get up in front of a crowd and make people laugh. — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
Skydiving is fascinating, the best part is cruising in the air and realizing that the dice has been thrown and you're either going to… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
I need someone to be like, 'I can beat Bert in a marathon.' And then my Mickey Mantle genes will kick in and I'll… — Bert Kreischer Copy Share Image
