My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities... but their moods create weather. — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
In L.A., a lot of comics live here, but we don't get to spend that much time together because we've got to drive 45 minutes home, or do another set. So in San Francisco we can hang out, go for dinner - the community aspect of it is really lovely, as well as seeing people's shows that you don't normally… — Maria Bamford Copy Share
Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I'm not an extroverted person, nor am I hyper-confident in my point of view. I just don't have that personality. — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I think I, like a lot of people, have that type of brain where I find it interesting or fulfilling to worry about something. — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love! — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I have a comic character - my sister said that I'm the victim of every joke I tell. — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
