If you constantly draw attention to yourself, spend all day distracting everyone, and cost taxpayers millions of dollars, the perfect job for you isn't the military - it's the President of the United States. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
I don't think my relationship with the idea of womanhood is that attached to giving birth... like, I'm fully aware that I'll never give… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
I just want people to know that. I'm not trying to make space for other trans women. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
There's like a little bit of a narcissism - I think there's more than a little bit of narcissism about it, but it's just… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
I'm always afraid to talk about stuff because I'm afraid to get ahead of myself or jinx something. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
My mom is pretty unimpressed by everything. She loves black-and-white movies, and the only things she watches in color on T.V. are Judge Judy… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
It's fun to gossip and stuff. But once it's millions of people - the scale of that, I think, is more damaging to the… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
If Ohio was a food, it would be Benadryl. If Chicago was pizza, Ohio is Benadryl, or some sort of generic over-the-counter. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
People assume because you're a comedian that you want to be an actor or that you want to be a writer too. It is… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
A lot of people tweet me things like, 'My 3-year-old son is trans and you inspire us.' — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
Cisgender people tend to want trans stories of triumph that are easy to metabolize. I want to make things that are subversive and not… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
I think I have more fun making jokes online and making stupid Instagram videos than I do in my real life, on stage. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
