“If my penis were a writer/director, it would be Woody Allen - small, neurotic, and, frankly, hit or miss.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“She tells me she’s a certified smeller of books and that that is probably her best quality. “So It Goes.” is tattooed on the inside of her left forearm.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share
“Anna is the sort of woman who writers write about, Tom. Somewhere in the third act, women like her save characters like you and… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“I have to speak carefully now because I have this strange habit of imitating British people without even realizing that I'm doing it.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“Never trust someone who isn’t miserable at least half of the time.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“She technically apologized yesterday, but it was one of those married-people apologies, more of a tactical move than anything else, a way of moving… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“Hidden up there behind some branches sits one glaring squirrel. “I don’t know,” I say. “He looks pretty pissed, though.” “Good.” I see now… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“Whoa," I say. "Look how tall he is." "Actors are always midgets in person," says Brandon, "But writers...they're giants.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“This house has endured three of my Dad's four wives, and so over the last few decades it's been a home-size mood ring, changing… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“I don't think -" I begin, but then I stop there. Strangely enough, this sounds like a full, declarative sentence, as if I'm standing… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“You look good," I tell my reflection. "Hot?" But this last part comes out with a question mark at the end. I've never been… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“I've been thinking about your Father a lot lately, and I've realized something. I married Gary specifically for the fact that he wasn't Curtis.… — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
“We're all damaged. Every single beautiful, stupid, precious one of us.” — Matthew Norman Copy Share Image
