“There are lots of things sons shouldn’t imagine about their mothers, above all what it was like to become one.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees,… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Dentistry is a precondition to love at first sight. When your eyes meet she beams with happiness, but when you smile back she shows… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Don't swallow: your bulging, blushing cheeks display the saliva you want to share.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Cannibal: epicures who abstain from alcohol and tobacco. As moral guides, they are underutilized in the police forces of modern societies. ” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“I have never sought to displease; I merely seek pleasure and avoid the pain it causes those who work to produce it. That is… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
