I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job! — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you! — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
