Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job! — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you! — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you! — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to… — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
