I've fallen asleep at red lights before. Not like passed out, but like I've put the parking break on and reclined my seat and taken a nap. — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
The biggest thing I lost when I left religion was that sense of community and the culture. It was an unexpected kind of free-falling.… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.' — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
