Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost? — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice.… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
