The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to… — Clement Freud Copy Share
I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to… — Clement Freud Copy Share
To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit — Clement Freud Copy Share
I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the… — Clement Freud Copy Share
There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
