If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there… — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. — Clement Freud Copy Share Image
