I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
One of the standing jokes of Congress is that the new Congressman always spends the first week wondering how he got there… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I'm here to make people laugh and help them forget their troubles, too! So I just try to bring heart and bring… — Matthew Moy Copy Share Image
Some of our jokes we made up on the fly. I love Lecrae; we have been friends for a while and he… — Bart Millard Copy Share Image
Dear Human; You Get Angry At Me, If I wake you up... You Also Get Angry, If I don't..!! What The Hell… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Working with Preme is always a dream come true. It's never like "I'm here and I'm comfortable." It's always like that very… — Torae Copy Share Image
Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and… — Avery Sunshine Copy Share Image
It's interesting, once I have convinced people that, yes, I have a sister with a mental disability, the retard jokes really dry… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
In his recent book, When Brute Force Fails, UCLA's Kleiman argues that new strategies for targeting repeat offenders--including reforms to make probation… — David Von Drehle Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Republican candidate George Pataki said his dogs would give him the best endorsement for becoming our next president. Until they hear Chris… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I don't care if my opinion falls on the right or the left. I'm more of what I call a passionate centrist.… — Larry Wilmore Copy Share Image
I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
Few years ago [Donald] Trump was being roasted by Comedy Central. They always have rules about things that you can't joke about.… — Ben Domenech Copy Share Image
For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
I'm not gonna name names, but sometimes when reporters are talking, it gets a little boring because I don't have any jokes… — Quvenzhane Wallis Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
You make jokes because you're afraid to take anything seriously, because if you take things seriously, they matter. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have never been able to see life as anything but a vast complicated practical joke, and it's better to laugh than… — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, 'Another box arrived!' Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books,… — Lisa Ling Copy Share Image
I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but… — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
Women are not children. We are not fragile little birds who can't cope with jokes, works of art, or controversial speakers. — Christina Hoff Sommers Copy Share Image
I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the 'Comedy Central Roasts' for a while,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they started crying, turned around and drove home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. … Inteviewer shouts: Stop it. Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup... — ZhatsPrincess Copy Share Image
Like a ventriloquist who laughs at his dummy's jokes, I keep trying to make photographs that seduce me into believing in the… — Larry Sultan Copy Share Image
Donald Trump was very receptive. Funny. Cracked some jokes. And understand it very well. And said he was in that he would… — Jim Brown Copy Share Image
If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
I am not against marriage - without marriage, ninety-nine percent jokes will disappear from the world. How I can be against marriage?… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get.… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter. — Nick Thune Copy Share Image
The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A,… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
When you people have a set up joke and the joke is set up straight and the words are just well written,… — Will Gluck Copy Share Image
Hen wife pulls her husband, whos fully drunk, to bed & tries removing his shirt & husband replies- LADY¦ LEAVE ME ALONE,… — AB Copy Share Image
![“Few years ago [Donald] Trump was being roasted by Comedy Central. They always have rules about things that you can't joke about. Donald Trump's rule at that time, the only thing that you couldn't joke about was a suggestion that he has less money that he claimed to.” quote by Ben Domenech](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/738/ben-domenech-4128_comedy_few-years-ago-donald-trump-was-being-roa_2024225.jpg)
