I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on that. — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
All his leisure clothes were absurd - jokes, really - as though leisure itself had to be ridiculed. — Edmund White Copy Share Image
Tom did not suck my dick on a cruise while Kate Holmes ran away after Lord Xenu farted flying giraffes. — Jeremy Limn Copy Share Image
The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers. — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
I was always the class clown, and very outspoken with my jokes and comments. — Sky Blu Copy Share Image
The jokes I used to do on 'Sex and the City' were always comic character things, and they were rarely hard jokes.… — Michael Patrick King Copy Share Image
I've always had a bawdy sense of humor. My father was a traveling salesman and he would bring jokes home. He would… — Betty White Copy Share Image
Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get… — Merrill Markoe Copy Share Image
I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an… — Ian St John Copy Share Image
I used to love 'Murphy Brown' as a kid. I didn't even understand half of the jokes that were going on, but… — Cristela Alonzo Copy Share Image
Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Anyone who walks out on stage, whether he's eight or 80, they'll go, 'Oh, Alesha, he'd be good for you.' I'm the… — Alesha Dixon Copy Share Image
I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a $hitload of money. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
“. Despite the considerable horror they had felt when the SA men were bellowing crude anti-Semitic slogans, in retrospect the joke-tellers were… — Rudolph Herzog Copy Share Image
Don’t you do that.” She turned away from the mirror, toward him. “Don’t you dare make a joke. It took a great… — Tessa Dare Copy Share Image
The repeat run of Fawlty Towers drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic… — Clive James Copy Share Image
Sometimes when my fans come up to me, they think it's going to be entertaining, like I'm going to tell jokes or… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I always have the same thing - which is the fear of not getting a laugh - that I've had from the… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Little girl asks her grandma: Grandma, can you show me a magic trick? Grandma answers: I can't dear, but I'm sure your… — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
