I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. — Chinese Proverbs Copy Share Image
Anything traumatic in my life I've always dealt with through jokes and comedy. — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I'm laughing, you know I'm either very happy or very sad. I cope with things with jokes. — Cristela Alonzo Copy Share Image
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it. — Monica Piper Copy Share Image
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
In Germany, you would be hanged if you cracked a joke about Hitler and you would be killed by the state if… — Werner Herzog Copy Share Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When I watch a comedy that's just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss,… — David Walton Copy Share Image
I like the sound of my voice, doesn't mean it's any good but I like it. The joke is that "all good… — Henry Rollins Copy Share Image
Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
I learnt that fame is an illusion and everything about it is just a joke. I'm far more dangerous now, because I… — Joe Strummer Copy Share Image
Sometimes I can't think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a… — Jake Shimabukuro Copy Share Image
I think the best thing a person can do is to read through the Gospels in the Bible and really look at… — Donald Miller Copy Share Image
“Casy said, "Ol' Tom's house can't be more'n a mile from here. Ain't she over that third rise?" Sure," said Joad. "Less… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
My friends joke that I love planning things - which I do - and the reason is because there's so much I… — Benjamin Stone Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I certainly had qualms about writing my piece in the first place, since I knew I couldn't express my disdain for many… — Kevin Roose Copy Share Image
When you watch an audience watching my movies, you realize that nobody laughs at the same time. Some people enjoy a beat,… — Quentin Dupieux Copy Share Image
If a handful of people look at the making of the film and realize, "Oh, my god!" It was so complicated. It… — Rob Letterman Copy Share Image
Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
