Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I thought I loved her, but she had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Thinking of punching these random street people in the face is an excellent way to waste an evening. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just have to sit down and ask your parents if they sold your soul. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
