All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth-… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Beneath their surface differences, there are a lot of deep, underlying differences. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Whatever the needs of the public are, the government responds to those needs by getting larger. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
