“Clicking on "send" has its limitations as a system of subtle communication. Which is why, of course, people use so many dashes… — Lynne Truss Copy Share Image
“ “While I agree men fancy a good meal, Meredith, I daresay the stomach is not the most direct route to a… — Elisa Braden Copy Share Image
A story, in which native humour reigns, Is often useful, always entertains; A graver fact, enlisted on your side, May furnish illustration,… — William Cowper Copy Share Image
“If we keep him for ourselves, we can do anything we want with him!' 'OH, REALLY?! Does that include baking him in… — Jeff Smith Copy Share Image
I'm definitely responsible for the image that I put out there. But it does become frustrating, because I don't want 'sexy' to… — Eva Mendes Copy Share Image
“Inside he was hurt. Not so much with Linda, but his failure to impress women generally with his abilities. There she was,… — Max Nowaz Copy Share Image
“The place had enormous possibilities. He realized that at once. The stream, of course, was perfect for sailing toy boats, for skipping… — David Eddings Copy Share Image
“Then she laughed for real, and put her hands around my neck. 'I am never, ever going to make things easy for… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“The funeral carriage went slowly. It looked quite expensive, but that was Cockbill Street for you. People put money by. Vimes remembered… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“More polar bears live in Canada than in the rest of the world combined, which raises the question, Why the hell did… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Punching - 2 shillings Both eyes blacked - 4 shillings Nose and jaw broke - 10 shillings Jacked out (knocked out with… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“Is there anything in your life trying to slip off? Is your health threatening to leave you? Is your joy threatening to… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
“Most aren't trying to kill you, unfortunately. They're trying to bed you, mistress." "Why?" "Probably because of the prophecy," said Nandi. "Prophecy,"… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“Mother,” Hyacinth said, pausing for slightly longer than normal to steal a bit of time to organize her thoughts, “I am not… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“We also wish to make it absolutely clear that Librarians should not attempt to use the Library to transport dinosaur eggs. And… — Genevieve Cogman Copy Share Image
“There was a crash from the direction of the kitchen, although it really was more of a crashendo - the long drawn… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“The Chancellor looked down at the paper in front of him. He cleared his throat. 'Re'lar Ambrose, are you a donkey?' Ambrose… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
“Charlie said your friend’s disappeared,” chirped Wendy. “No, he hasn’t.” Adam denied it. “He’s in the house. Now, look, what’s all this… — Max Nowaz Copy Share Image
“The most horrible thing about her? She was still holding her big platter of free samples: Crispy Cheese 'n' Wieners. Her platter… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
And there are certain songs that are really timepieces and shouldn't be touched. But some of them are a celebration of good… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
It's a great historical joke that when the Spanish met the Aztecs, it was a blind date made in serve-you-right heaven. At… — A. A. Gill Copy Share Image
Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where… — Keith Waterhouse Copy Share Image
You sharpen your ideas by reducing yourself to the level of the people you are with and a sense of humour and… — Nelson Mandela Copy Share Image
“Do not oversleep and miss the school bus- you'll be late. That's a habit teachers generally don't appreciate. Never tell your friends… — Bruce Lansky Copy Share Image
“When I was done raking and bagging, I banged on the door and demanded entry /...let me in by the hair on… — Gillibran Brown Copy Share Image
Jokes often arise involuntarily, like dreams, and tend to be swiftly forgotten. From these similarities Freud inferred that jokes and dreams share… — Jim Holt Copy Share Image
“Snake Street is an area I should avoid. Yet that night I was drawn there as surely as if I had an… — K. Ritz Copy Share Image
“I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like… — Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“Sometimes this just happens,” Kylie said, much calmer now that she had a sneak preview of his comeuppance. “Just happens?” Burnett bellowed… — C.C. Hunter Copy Share Image
By 1914, the royal families of Europe were inbred to the point of pantomine. You feel about them as you do about… — Nancy Banks-Smith Copy Share Image
“Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in… — Wayne Gladstone Copy Share Image
“ “Clever battle strategy often resembles madness. Knowing the difference … ah, well, the victors have the privilege of defining that, do… — Elisa Braden Copy Share Image
“Skin boils! Boils cause serious pain and physical suffering, and you also have to consider the ugliness factor. Even the most powerful… — Spencer C Demetros Copy Share Image
“His knowledge of country lore was a little hazy, but he felt fairly sure that if the cows lay down, it meant… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“He spent a very uncomfortable few moments trying to remember his prepared position for explaining to God that he had nonetheless been… — Christopher Brookmyre Copy Share Image
“ASIO turned up on Hamza's doorstep a year ago, after he and his mate, both in their mid-twenties, returned from Yemen. They… — John Safran Copy Share Image
“The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,” the inventor said. “The… — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry I'm so pathetic," he thought, and then realized he had also said it. Beth laughed, so lightly and so kindly… — Larry Doyle Copy Share Image
