It's a great historical joke that when the Spanish met the Aztecs, it was a blind date made in serve-you-right heaven. At… — A. A. Gill Copy Share Image
You sharpen your ideas by reducing yourself to the level of the people you are with and a sense of humour and… — Nelson Mandela Copy Share Image
“Do not oversleep and miss the school bus- you'll be late. That's a habit teachers generally don't appreciate. Never tell your friends… — Bruce Lansky Copy Share Image
“When I was done raking and bagging, I banged on the door and demanded entry /...let me in by the hair on… — Gillibran Brown Copy Share Image
Jokes often arise involuntarily, like dreams, and tend to be swiftly forgotten. From these similarities Freud inferred that jokes and dreams share… — Jim Holt Copy Share Image
“Snake Street is an area I should avoid. Yet that night I was drawn there as surely as if I had an… — K. Ritz Copy Share Image
“I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like… — Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“Sometimes this just happens,” Kylie said, much calmer now that she had a sneak preview of his comeuppance. “Just happens?” Burnett bellowed… — C.C. Hunter Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“More polar bears live in Canada than in the rest of the world combined, which raises the question, Why the hell did… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Is there anything in your life trying to slip off? Is your health threatening to leave you? Is your joy threatening to… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
“Punching - 2 shillings Both eyes blacked - 4 shillings Nose and jaw broke - 10 shillings Jacked out (knocked out with… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“Most aren't trying to kill you, unfortunately. They're trying to bed you, mistress." "Why?" "Probably because of the prophecy," said Nandi. "Prophecy,"… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“Mother,” Hyacinth said, pausing for slightly longer than normal to steal a bit of time to organize her thoughts, “I am not… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“We also wish to make it absolutely clear that Librarians should not attempt to use the Library to transport dinosaur eggs. And… — Genevieve Cogman Copy Share Image
“There was a crash from the direction of the kitchen, although it really was more of a crashendo - the long drawn… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“The Chancellor looked down at the paper in front of him. He cleared his throat. 'Re'lar Ambrose, are you a donkey?' Ambrose… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
“Waiting for a book to be published is like having a baby. It would be nine months before we heard the patter… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You're giving up the hunt for de Taillebourg?' Thomas asked. He had learned the priest's name from Robbie. 'No.' Robbie still had… — Bernard Cornwell Copy Share Image
“GUIL: It [Hamlet's madness] really boils down to symptoms. Pregnant replies, mystic allusions, mistaken identities, arguing his father is his mother, that… — Tom Stoppard Copy Share Image
“He wondered often how he would ever recognize the first chill, flush, twinge, ache, belch, sneeze, stain, lethargy, vocal slip, loss of… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
“Wolfe still paid no attention to me. As a matter of fact, I didn't expect him to, since he was busy taking… — Rex Stout Copy Share Image
It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can… — Diana Wynne Jones Copy Share Image
“Two death sentences? Really? I mean, you look very well, considering.” Crane grinned at him. “One was in absentia. One wasn’t, and… — K.J. Charles Copy Share Image
It seems like it has kind of taken off where people are saying 'oh it's a female character' and it just kind… — Eiji Aonuma Copy Share Image
“it seems to me that the English aristocracy is not only the type, but is the crown and flower of all actual… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Russ decided the best defense was a good offense. "I'm Russell Van Alstyne, Millers Kill chief of police." He held out his… — Julia Spencer-Fleming Copy Share Image
“Boys", Buffy hissed through clenched teeth, "being quiet is an important part of sneaking." "Oh, sorry", Xander said, reducing his voice to… — Alice Henderson Copy Share Image
“[Kendra] also referred to Tizoc Theron, one of the most powerful mercenaries in all of vampiric existence, as her "Tizzy". The Inquisition… — Amelia Atwater-Rhodes Copy Share Image
“Much has been written on the excellence of bats' navigation equipment. It is all false. Tropical bats spend their entire time flying… — Nigel Barley Copy Share Image
“Has something happened to upset you today?” “Yeah, I had an argument with a vacuum cleaner hose, it wanted me to it… — Gillibran Brown Copy Share Image
“Ought a woman to disclose her frailties earlier than the wedding day? Few husbands, I assure you, make the discovery in such… — Nathaniel Hawthorne Copy Share Image
“Oh, those hateful sods will never make it to Heaven. They’re all on an express elevator to the gay spit-roast dungeon in… — Michael Logan Copy Share Image
“ “Clever battle strategy often resembles madness. Knowing the difference … ah, well, the victors have the privilege of defining that, do… — Elisa Braden Copy Share Image
By 1914, the royal families of Europe were inbred to the point of pantomine. You feel about them as you do about… — Nancy Banks-Smith Copy Share Image
“Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in… — Wayne Gladstone Copy Share Image
“Skin boils! Boils cause serious pain and physical suffering, and you also have to consider the ugliness factor. Even the most powerful… — Spencer C Demetros Copy Share Image
“His knowledge of country lore was a little hazy, but he felt fairly sure that if the cows lay down, it meant… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“He spent a very uncomfortable few moments trying to remember his prepared position for explaining to God that he had nonetheless been… — Christopher Brookmyre Copy Share Image
![“GUIL: It [Hamlet's madness] really boils down to symptoms. Pregnant replies, mystic allusions, mistaken identities, arguing his father is his mother, that sort of thing; intimations of suicide, forgoing of exercise, loss of mirth, hints of claustrophobia not to say delusions of imprisonment…” quote by Tom Stoppard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/897/tom-stoppard-437_fitness_guil-it-hamlet-s-madness-really-boils-do_2457780.jpg)
![“[Kendra] also referred to Tizoc Theron, one of the most powerful mercenaries in all of vampiric existence, as her "Tizzy". The Inquisition was "a dreadful inconvenience," World War II was "a little spat" and the fall of Midnight, the vampiric empire that had reigned for centurie, was "an…” quote by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aad/amelia-atwater-rhodes-9913_humour_kendra-also-referred-to-tizoc-theron-one_2704558.png)
