What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. — James Thurber Copy Share Image
Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We should make the poor uncomfortable and kick them out of poverty. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record — Tom Masson Copy Share Image
Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in… — Sean O'Casey Copy Share Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance, and the humorist, with a smile and perhaps… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Humorists are using Twitter to tell jokes in an interesting way. It doesn't have to be profound, and it doesn't have to… — James Gleick Copy Share Image
Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high… — Bruce McCall Copy Share Image
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a… — Vincent Canby Copy Share Image
I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A heartwarming tale of Christmas past that's chock full of all the wit and hilarity we admire in America's favorite humorist--Mark Twain.… — Gilbert King Copy Share Image
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Walking companions, like heroes, are difficult to pluck out of the crowd of acquaintances. Good dispositions, ready wit, friendly conversation serve well… — Brooks Atkinson Copy Share Image
Bob Wallace was my editor at Rolling Stone when I first started writing there, and he's a wonderful editor. I was in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated, then… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Few, as I have said, are the humorists who can induce this state. To master and dissolve us, to give us the… — Max Beerbohm Copy Share Image
ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
And as Craig Brown - he's an English humorist, not a comedian but he's just a writer and humorist - I'm quite… — Nick Lowe Copy Share Image
![“[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3aa/p-j-o-rourke-184_funny-things_i-m-humorist-i-guess-or-really-more-of-a_1449070.png)
