When I came up, football was about gladiators . . . When we hit somebody and he didnt get up, we didnt… — Patrice O'Neal Copy Share Image
“Ten minutes after that and the inmates of Furnace were starting to feel invincible, running around the prison looking for the hidden… — Alexander Gordon Smith Copy Share Image
“If you'd just learn to do as I say from the beginning, I wouldn't have to follow up your errors with reproving… — Richelle E. Goodrich Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Death isn’t always sad. This week, the Reverend Jerry Falwell died, and millions of Americans asked, “Why? Why, God? Why…didn’t… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“For somewhere," said Poirot to himself, indulging in an absolute riot of mixed metaphors, "there is in the hay a needle, and… — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only dopamine. Because Felix isn’t… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
“Then that is your problem, I surmise,” Lightsong said. “We’re gods, my dear, and we quickly grow tired of our immortal existences.… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“I only met Mad Sweeney twice, alive," he said. "The first time I thought he was a world-class jerk with the devil… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“A general principle concerning the gender of bears has been established years ago by bear supervisor König from Bern, after over thirty… — Wolfgang Klein Copy Share Image
I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Sadly, the natural world is not short of people who believe that rattling off Latin names incessantly makes them appear clever, whereas… — Tristan Gooley Copy Share Image
“I forced myself to stop thinking about it. I went to the room in my brain where all my thoughts about Adam… — Marian Keyes Copy Share Image
“An Angry female catawyld? Conquered. An outraged female dragon? Defeated. A woman who might pin him to the wall with green-eyed fury?… — Nicole Sager Copy Share Image
“You’re taking a drink from a stranger, dude.” I say. “I could be a mad scientist and put something inside your root… — Rea Lidde Copy Share Image
“it was Greenspan who through some excessive deregulation prepared the monetary ground for the rise of the subprime mortgage companies: a lending… — Gilad Atzmon Copy Share Image
“Poker isn't all about the cards. Poker's mostly about attention. You got a woman whose legs are like yours, tits are like… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
We're not trying to make a reality show at all. The show gets described sometimes as a reality show, sometimes as a… — Sal Vulcano Copy Share Image
“I covered my eyes with my hand. Please don’t let it be what I think it is. “It isn’t babysitting again, is… — Millicent Ashby Copy Share Image
“A driver had been sent to meet us. He was gray-haired, short, and nimble and introduced himself. "I am Patrick and so… — Sharon Creech Copy Share Image
No, sir, I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty… — Rosser Reeves Copy Share Image
“I used to give X-ray vision a lot of thought because I couldn’t see how it could work. I mean, if you… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was… — Bill Pullman Copy Share Image
“Sister Evangelina shared this robust humour. Before an enema: “Now then, Dad, we’re going to put a squib up your arse, shake… — Jennifer Worth Copy Share Image
“It’s not really my fault. The problem is that my mouth just comes out with these things. And you can’t blame me… — Gideon Defoe Copy Share Image
Take care in selecting your ffriends; Choose those honest in all areas; with a sense of humor, highflyers with empires in their… — Peter Daniels Copy Share Image
“Lucus?" She found him on the bed in the master suite, lying with his arms crossed behind his head, glaring at the… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
I think my general disposition on life is finding what's funny about it. When something happens, the first thing in my mind… — Will Smith Copy Share Image
“Why was it, she sometimes wondered, that in dreams we can't do the simplest things? Like a crying puppy is standing on… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
“I was on the point of explaining to Gerald that the world has always laughed at its own tragedies, that being the… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
I think people like musicals. And when done with a modern comedic sensibility, musical comedy can be the most efficient delivery of… — Rachel Bloom Copy Share Image
“Modern party-dance is simply writhing to suggestive music. It is ridiculous, silly to watch and excruciatingly embarrassing to perform. It is ridiculous,… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming… — Judy Gold Copy Share Image
There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're… — Peter Cook Copy Share Image
“If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know," Simon was getting fed up. "Look, did you actually… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“Ego had brought him to this point, that stupid refusal to quit the case, to simply do the job according to procedure… — Peter F. Hamilton Copy Share Image
MASH offered real characters and everybody identified with them because they had such soul. The humor was intelligent and it always assumed… — Loretta Swit Copy Share Image
A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Jack made a pass at me, too. He thought my riding crop was alluring until I smacked him across the face with… — Nancy Atherton Copy Share Image
Sherlock Holmes was an idiot and Robert Watt was a fool. One was a detective, the other invented radar. But neither of… — Megz Copy Share Image
