“Listen, Mike, I don’t know what happens in parochial schools—most of the guys survive the nuns and come out with a sense… — Linda Fairstein Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason that I have been successful, though, despite maybe not always fitting my message into the pre-packaged… — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“She was good-natured with a ribald sense of humour, breaking wind fairly frequently and uninhibitedly, then asking in a loud voice: “Who’s… — Susie Kelly Copy Share Image
“Do you wanna go out for lunch? In celebration?” I asked and then touched my lips in thought. “Or we could swing… — J.M. Colail Copy Share Image
Here's a message to all the employers out there reading this: if a comedian comes to you having given up comedy and… — Sean Lock Copy Share Image
“He knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance... He knows there's a… — Ken Kesey Copy Share Image
“There was some kind of X-men emergency, so all the teachers were gone. This happens every now and then. It's one of… — Barry Lyga Copy Share Image
“Just be careful, hon,” Rosanna said. “Oh, are the plates hot?” I flinched back just before my hands made contact. Rosanna laughed.… — C.J. Duggan Copy Share Image
“Real estate is the best investment on earth, however, when the music stops playing, which happens occasionally, don't be the one left… — Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur Copy Share Image
“... There may not be even two men living in the world whom I would have agreed to marry, certainly not on… — Marie Brennan Copy Share Image
It's a pragmatist's business, comedy. Start off with good intentions and references to the Pompidou Centre and you end up with boiled… — Mel Smith Copy Share Image
There's a great deal of echoing going on in 'Old School.' Mr. Piven, who played the upstart outsider in the 1994 campus… — Elvis Mitchell Copy Share Image
“Kera came out of another room, dragging an unhappy Vig Rundstom behind her. The two Crows pushed the men together until they… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
Being able to laugh at a situation can help you hang on to your perspective. And there's an intimacy in laughter that… — Eric Mabius Copy Share Image
People tell me all the time when they meet me, in comedy, they say 'You have that type like Sofia Vergara; you… — Lele Pons Copy Share Image
“A week ago someone warned me not to buy the blueberry muffins at Eddie's, but I didn't listen and bought them anyway.… — Kasie West Copy Share Image
I think in the world we need more comedy. I wish so much that we could embrace that side of us more.… — Cynthia Stevenson Copy Share Image
Being in writers' rooms turns you feral. You are swearing, you are going to very dark, mean places. You start out in… — Maria Semple Copy Share Image
“Weird sunshower around three. Linda Hertney: It's like a final goodbye from Todd. (Linda = nut. Once claimed crow on ledge was… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden when someone asked what he would do if he were suddenly to learn that… — Francis of Assisi Copy Share Image
You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Everyone knows that the Internet is changing our lives, mostly because someone in the media has uttered that exact phrase every single… — Chuck Klosterman Copy Share Image
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. . . Small, large, round, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings, extra cheese. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
I really like the half-hour comedy. I really do. I know people that are in movies all the time and they, you… — Matt LeBlanc Copy Share Image
Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one… — Laurie Notaro Copy Share Image
Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a… — Roger Moore Copy Share Image
“Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love,… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Of course, she should have known better than to go out with one of the muscle heads from her gym...It was a… — Julia Mills Copy Share Image
I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Sad really.” Avenant mused. “Trevelyan was part of a majestic race. Doomed and enslaved by lesser beings, but majestic, none the less.”… — Cassandra Gannon Copy Share Image
“She'd permed her hair to within an inch of its life. When she moved her head, the mass of hair followed along… — Jean Thompson Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were ice fishing in my freezer. I caught a few cold beers, and you wondered… — Dora J. Arod Copy Share Image
“Fork you, Kyle," she said and took a bite of her duck, chewing it with deliberate slowness. "Fork yourself, Lanie," he replied,… — M.K. Schiller Copy Share Image
“There’s very little that I find to be more interesting and unpredictable than the behavior of a psychotic bitch, especially when it’s… — Aaron B. Powell Copy Share Image
I'm incredibly proud to bring back 'Tom Green Live' for a third season on AXS TV. AXS TV's commitment to unique, out-of-the-box… — Tom Green Copy Share Image
“The silly sentimentalists of the French Revolution talked of the Rights of Man! We hate Rights as we hate Wrongs. We have… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Sadie was still a kite. "You can turn back now," I told her. She tilted her head and regarded me quizically. She… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Doing really abrasive gross-out comedy prepared me for knowing what it feels like to bomb. It's possible to bomb, I've done it.… — Sarah Sherman Copy Share Image
If you go back to before me doing comedy, my background was dancing and then it was musical theatre, but Im a… — Danny John-Jules Copy Share Image
