R.I.P to my Ex...the funeral will be held at Never Again Baptist Church, located across from The Lies You Told Cemetery, on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.” — M.A. George Copy Share Image
So you're a big fan of Marilyn Monroe and you know all her quotes? Cool, how many of her movies did you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The problem with at-home IQ tests is that too many people wouldn't understand the results. Calling customer service is a bad sign. — Iimani David Copy Share Image
“I was trying to have an insight, and all I could think of was that I'd backed myself into a corner, and… — John Welter Copy Share Image
Laughter is the only currency I've really ever known. Ever since I was a boy. — Bob Mortimer Copy Share Image
“He kissed the corner of her lips before whispering by her ear, “And that was just my hand, love.” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
My comedy does not come from a place of deep cynicism, and I tend to play characters who are naive in some… — Anna Faris Copy Share Image
“She rolled her eyes. "Then what happened?" Rubbing his temples, he glanced at the door. "Bethany and I were making out and… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“Dieting was cruel; it was an abuse of human rights. Yes, that's what it was, and she should not allow herself to… — Alexander McCall Smith Copy Share Image
The kind of über-objective is to make people laugh. You always have to have that in the back of your mind, "Eh,… — John C. Reilly Copy Share Image
I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“Bok knows everything about me, including my thing with auras. Truth is, though, he isn't much good as a bodyguard. Bok is… — Marianne Delacourt Copy Share Image
“I’m suffering from “Hyper-analytical Social Media Posting Disorder”, characterized by a compulsion to edit 5 minutes after posting a comment, augmented by… — Andrew Neff Copy Share Image
“[He] is the worst kind of asshole they make - the kind who is completely oblivious to how he sounds, the kind… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“[...] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his… — Henry Fielding Copy Share Image
If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do ; try to be… — John Waters Copy Share Image
“Mum,” said Christopher. “It’s a demon. I don’t think a poker will hurt it.” “It will where I’m going to put it,”… — John Connolly Copy Share Image
Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius. — Thomas Carlyle Copy Share Image
“College is a scam. Why go into debt to get no job when you could be unemployed for FREE?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I would be really excellent in a horror film because I have a great scream. I'd be really good in a comedy… — Serena Williams Copy Share Image
“Corruptio optimi pessima!' Grinned Sir Henry Bessemer . 'Judicio vulgi demens!' Snorted Sir William Siemens .” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.” — Julio-Alexi Genao Copy Share Image
“Hello?” he asked as he went ... just so that anyone intent on killing him would know exactly where to look.” — Stephen King Copy Share Image
Maybe in 10 years,I'll only be doing "classical" comedy. Or crashing my car into trees. — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
“I would go into my classroom and find my seat, and then my mom would take a picture of me at my… — Kenton Duty Copy Share Image
One just needs a little alertness to see and find out: Life is really a great cosmic laughter. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is proof that everything is going to be all right with God nevertheless. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as… — Michael Hogan Copy Share Image
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Nu-i vorbă, că tot are și ea o coastă de drac; dar, trăind și nemurind, i-om scoate-o noi și pe-aceea” — Ion Creangă Copy Share Image
I love how in scary movies how the person yells out hello as if the killer is gonna say yeah Im in… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be the first. It didn't matter where you start counting from. — Pranav Copy Share Image
“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. Henry… — Henry Ward Beecher Copy Share Image
I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out. — Clive Anderson Copy Share Image
“Abbey relaxed, grateful not only that someone had thought to throw a party for her, but that she had been able to… — Emily Ann Benedict Copy Share Image
“Eric came to Macy's? Did he burst into flames the moment he passed the first cash register?” — MaryJanice Davidson Copy Share Image
“A sack of sage, satire, irony and humor How healthy looms the Chaucer’s loomer Couplet by Mk Bhutta” — Lecturer M K Bhutta Poet Copy Share Image
![“[He] is the worst kind of asshole they make - the kind who is completely oblivious to how he sounds, the kind who is impossible to argue with because he doesn't allow for a worldview outside of his own.” quote by Sloane Crosley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/754/sloane-crosley-1764_asshole_he-is-the-worst-kind-of-asshole-they-mak_1181695.png)
![“[...] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he apprehended some danger of having it broke in his mouth.” quote by Henry Fielding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50e/henry-fielding-1358_calmly_for-the-philosophy-of-square-rendered-hi_2553977.png)
