When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I think a lot of people, when they don't quite fit in in the world, use humor to combat that and to… — Kaya Scodelario Copy Share Image
“The lads I've met in cupid's deadlock Were - shall we say? - born out of wedlock” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“How do you express a skinny blonde werewolf and a former toad in a cake?” — Elizabeth A. Reeves Copy Share Image
“She had so many freckles that Erskine wondered if she might have stolen some from other children.” — Ned Beauman Copy Share Image
“I can take care of myself,” I said hotly. “Darlin, you don't even know how to pleasure yourself.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
Why does Beyonce sings: 'to the left?'. Because niggers don't have any rights — Benjamin Dm Copy Share Image
“Sometimes it's best to keep things to yourself - if you know what I mean. That's wisdom.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
“He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely.… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“By all the rules of modern fiction there should have been gunsmoke mingling its acrid blue with the brown haze of corral… — B.M. Bower Copy Share Image
Eventually, this is how I would like to be remembered at the end of my career: He was never the best in… — Takeshi Kitano Copy Share Image
“...indeed, with the Radletts, you never could tell. Why, for instance, would Victoria bellow like a bull and half kill Jassy whenever… — Nancy Mitford Copy Share Image
“... even though two decades and several years had gone by since [she] first decided to be a fairy, even though Lizabeth… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“ 'We cannot decide,' the Witness for the Treasury said. 'We are sorry, but it is the truth.' 'May we suggest that… — Katherine Addison Copy Share Image