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Humor Quotes by Chris Rock

57 Humor quotes by Chris Rock

All Humor quotes Chris Rock’s page

Men lie about where they are, and women tell big lies about babies, jokes Chris Rock. He says real comedy can’t be pretended, it has to come from true feeling. He also points out funny observations, like how a community college can feel like a disco full of books.

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I don't need a president with a bucket list!

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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

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If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

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Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

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Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

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You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

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I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

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By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

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I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

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Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR…

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Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

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Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

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You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

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Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day -…

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Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.

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I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

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Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the…

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All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it.…

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Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The…

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When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests…

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I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you…

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It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do…

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Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the…

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I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had…

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See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both…

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For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get…

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“You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the…

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If I find a comedy club where no one's camera works, I'll go.

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Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

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For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

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It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

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A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

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I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

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Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

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A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage,…

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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

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Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing…

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I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!

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Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

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They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie…

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More by Chris Rock

Ja Rule is not Tupac

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what…

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to…

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best…

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking…

My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my…

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.

Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people…

I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were…

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman…

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love…

Chris Rock Quotes About:

People Quotes 74
Comedy Quotes 58
Funny Quotes 47
Ifs Quotes 46
Black Quotes 40
Men Quotes 38
Knows Quotes 37
Want Quotes 36
White Quotes 31
Guy Quotes 26