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Men Quotes by Chris Rock

38 Men quotes by Chris Rock

All Men quotes Chris Rock’s page

Rock jokes that the tallest NBA player is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white, showing strange racial twists. He says men lie most often, often claiming they were at one house while really being at another. He also notes that a man's loyalty can be as fickle as the options he has.

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A man is only as faithful as his options.

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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.

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Men do not settle down. Men surrender.

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Men are only as unfaithful as their options.

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A man is basically as faithful as his options.

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When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

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See, the Black man gotta fly to get to something the white man can walk to.

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“Men are as faithful as their options.”

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No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.

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White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing.

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A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.

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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

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Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing…

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Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up…

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It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

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Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

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Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the…

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Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go…

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Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church,…

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Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know…

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Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we…

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I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches…

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There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I…

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Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re…

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You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the…

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Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get…

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The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the…

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See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both…

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Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige,…

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My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it,…

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Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.

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You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and…

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If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!"…

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You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense

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In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you’re a fat woman, you can play a skinny…

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My relationship with my daughter is gonna affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life... Sometimes I'm walking with…

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I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the…

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More by Chris Rock

Ja Rule is not Tupac

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what…

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to…

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best…

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking…

My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my…

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.

Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people…

I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were…

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman…

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love…

Chris Rock Quotes About:

People Quotes 74
Comedy Quotes 58
Humor Quotes 57
Funny Quotes 47
Ifs Quotes 46
Black Quotes 40
Knows Quotes 37
Want Quotes 36
White Quotes 31
Guy Quotes 26