People are so nice, you know. It's such a credit to Howard Stern - the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy.… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
