Scientists say that 2 degrees is the furthest we can push the planet before it turns on us. Much like a sorority girl you keep hazing and hazing until she has no choice but to report you to the national chapter. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn't be relaxing, they'd sound like a yoga class in a retirement home. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
Usually if you're a woman in Trump's bedroom, the only document you need is a nondisclosure agreement. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
I was always a Brandon Walsh kind of gal. The good guy, the class president. He just seemed like a really solid guy. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
You're worried about the quality of John Legend and Chrissy Teigen's child care? It's not like they're getting their nanny off Craigslist. They're rich… — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
Maybe high school would have been a good time to have a little Dylan McKay in my life. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
I did what any good full-time working mother would do and left my screaming toddler with my husband for three weeks and convinced Comedy… — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
Scientists say that 2 degrees is the furthest we can push the planet before it turns on us. Much like a sorority girl you… — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
There's always that little bit of tension that happens when you make a joke, especially when there's a language barrier. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
There was no better place to start understanding Alabama than in church. — Desi Lydic Copy Share Image
