Hates Vegetables Quotes by Alonzo Bodden

I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny…

— Alonzo Bodden

In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.

— Alonzo Bodden

Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

— Alonzo Bodden

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

— Alonzo Bodden

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

— Alonzo Bodden

I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.

— Alonzo Bodden

You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass,…

— Alonzo Bodden

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

— Alonzo Bodden

I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

— Alonzo Bodden

Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to…

— Alonzo Bodden

There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name…

— Alonzo Bodden

The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear; cruisers like chrome,…

— Alonzo Bodden

I could always make people laugh.

— Alonzo Bodden

I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

— Alonzo Bodden

I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine…

— Alonzo Bodden