“But we're talking about America here, where babies grow up to be even bigger babies, and all we really get along the way is incurable anxiety and crippling student loan debt.” — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“I went on to spend an inordinate amount of my childhood bashfully attached to my mother's pelvis, mostly out of social anxiety, but also because I was raised, from an early age, to fear anything that posed even the mildest… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“I’m hopping on one foot and grasping at the curtains, because that’s what dressing rooms are these days, curtains instead of walls so you… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“her eyes widened ever so slightly as she got closer, in that way that adults’ eyes tend to widen when they realize things are… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“There was an emergency brake, but I’m terrible at deciding what amounts to an emergency, most of all when I’m in the middle of… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“I wrote her a letter, because a letter felt like the easiest and also most dramatic way to do this kind of thing, and… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Listen. Don't sexually harass Brenda and also, the guy who wants 15 percent off that kitchen mixer he found in the sale bin can… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“But we're talking about America here, where babies grow up to be even bigger babies, and all we really get along the way is… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Eventually, of course, I grew up, and those fears went away. But the fun thing about fears is that they’re easily replaced with a… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Seriously, if teenage girls decide to organize one day, there’s literally nothing we can do to stop them.” — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Is everything OK in there?” the sales associate is asking. “Do you need any help?” Which is not a question you want someone asking… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Is everything all right in there?” (A question that someone only asks when everything is not all right in there.)” — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“(I will never understand the thrill of fishing. At its very best, it’s an activity that ends with a vicious struggle to reel in… — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
“Babies are to be kept on silent at all times, and if one goes off in public, it shall be discarded.” — Matt Bellassai Copy Share Image
