I did so many open mics. I would write jokes on Twitter constantly, and then slowly, over time, open mics turned into… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Writing for late night is really good for learning how to write when you don't want to write. You have to produce… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I don't want to alienate anybody. If you're making a joke about men and men are laughing at it, it's a good… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Comedy, in my opinion, is best when it's in the gray, and you're kind of pushing people's thoughts that they sort of… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Twitter is a good medium to lean how to write jokes. It pushes you to write a better joke in that, on… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
You know how I know I'm white? I can cry myself out of a parking ticket. — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Taking a night off from comedy to go on a date with someone I'm probably not going to like anyway sounds like the worst… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Honestly, I never really thought I'd be a comedian. But I did take an aptitude test in seventh grade - and this is 100… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I did so many open mics. I would write jokes on Twitter constantly, and then slowly, over time, open mics turned into shows. If… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
It's one thing to be funny in a tweet. It is another to be funny for an hour. — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles. — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
I got a third-degree ankle sprain practicing long jump. I never fully recovered. That was my first heartbreak. I thought track was going to… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
That's why we should respect people: not for how pretty they are, for how useful they are. What would you rather have, a pretty… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
The thing that's frustrating about improv is that even if you have the best show in the world, it's over when it's over. You… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
