When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents -… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
