I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away. — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
The biggest thing I lost when I left religion was that sense of community and the culture. It was an unexpected kind of free-falling.… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.' — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
